The person smoking weed next to me with skin darker than my own, yes.

True, but I feel like in these discussions I really need to know which fruit it was that God was chatting with Great-Grandma about that afternoon.

I feared Trump a lot less after Bush broke me. I fear another Trump less even. Younger, more idealistic me would vomit with disappointment in my shrugging and sighing instead of seething and yelling.

Sometimes I attend 12-step meetings again for social reasons or friendly support or job hunting and even the boilerplate texts will still make me be like “What in the tarnation?” Like literal tarnation.

Those war criminals in DC in later Bush administrations were so appalling and demoralizing that it’s hard to remember they’re able to be right about any single thing.

Wow that Donald Trump guy is starting to look attractive for the first time in human history.

I never have a pithy way to correct people who mention survival of the fittest.

It is, in fact, only survival of the fit enough.

This is the only Reddit tradition that has no name. But we used to celebrate it at least once every three months, if I can recall correctly.

They’d be super offensés if they could speak a real language. Thanks for half our vocabulary, suckeurs.

Please, no. I need to believe there’s still a place where things aren’t worsening.

cleverly also called “dogfooding”

Sapiosexuals rise up. Then ejaculate.

Unambiguous pedantry suffices

When I don’t, I act like I do, and the rest takes care of itself. Plus more friends plus more actual confidence.

It takes a village. Don’t kinkshame. Do nazishame. Do wealthhordeshame.

“A problem with alcohol”? I think not; why, I am a professional. Good day, sir.

—me to the neighbor’s mailbox

I’m partial to The 5.6.7.8’s, myself

Omg I haaaaate the 9/11s. If they ever find out who was driving those planes, we should probs kill them.

Brazzers ethics correct

And praise baby Jesus for OP living someplace where guns are harder to get than healthcare is.

Someone who said that “Trump spends less time on track than a decommissioned train car” was trying to understand why Trump said the speech was about the economy. Now we know.

Haven’t you shown her the chart with the pirates? Can’t argue with science.

Philippines- and rosary-loving atheist here. She’s a keeper.

homo and sickle. kinda.

This thread’s unaliving me

Win–win, Pangloss

I’m sure my Mac can open my 2004 .sit file. Don’t question me. 🧐

The guyliner

Sometimes after a hard day, all it takes is a Sicko to cheer me right the fuck up for a bit.

Even lawyers pretend that magical phrases are more powerful. I knew one who insisted on “in their care, custody, and/or control” instead of “has” or even “in their care”. It was telling that she also thought it was preposterous to say “in their care, and/or custody, and/or control”.

Is there an Occam’s razor when someone shows up in the clothes they were wearing 30 years ago?

I’m super delighted there’s federated Forteana!

God I really need to spend more time in hospitals

I wish I lived in a purple state so I could imaginatively and maliciously encourage voters with bad ideas to stay home. Mwahaha and such.

Anyone else get ptsd flashbacks to:

• “aitch tee tee pee ess colon backslash backslash…” or
• “the email address is all lowercase, all one word…”

almond mom

Typically white suburban moms who were 90s girls and never accepted they had an eating disorder, so now they have to make it everyone else’s problem

“A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips is my almond moms favorite mantra”

—Urban Dictionary

The comments were the most fun I’ve had a explainxkcd for a while—thank you.

Oh you must be my old upstairs neighbor—send the rest of the dance troupe my best!

Really makes you wonder what

WITH A LADDER

meant back in the time of the X.K.C.D.

brings back memories…

of 5 minutes ago when the SOV opposition finally finished their sentence