This thing’s so good.

Personal favorites include Campanella 2, Magic Garden, and Attactics.

Yeah but she’s a garbage human being.

This was the second act of Shion Sono’s movie “Tag,” yeah?

::: spoiler Tap for autocannibalism, I guess

:::

“The Savage Mouth” by Komatsu Sakyou, which involves

::: spoiler Tap for spoiler A man eating himself in a locked hotel room and relishing every bite. Very body horror, much terrifying, cops rule it a homicide :::

Or “Cogwheels” by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa, which

::: spoiler Tap for spoiler ends abruptly with the author’s real-world suicide. Story is the thinnest veneer of fiction, and at some point I think he just stopped writing a story and was trying therapy on a page, then gave the fuck up on everything. :::

I started out as a quizmaster, telling quiz for a night a week. I’d open my show with a new 45-second bit each week, built audience numbers over time.

Then I realized I’d been doing this for years, and was an incredibly prolific comic! I had enough material I could just walk out onto a stage and just lengthen out my opening bits, cause I no longer had a quiz to tell that night!

“I’m a stand-up comic.”

“Ooh! Heckle me!”

“I don’t know anything about you and don’t wanna say anything mean about you. Just enjoy the moment without getting a performer to do free work for you.”

“You’re no fun.”

“Don’t have to be on all the time, let me eat my burger.”

Jason Pargin is a goddamn hero.

Uh, I should prolly add context:

https://www.sbnation.com/a/17776-football

yeah but so's lunchables. pyrrhic victory

neatly partitioned meats and cheeses appeal to me on an aesthetic level ok mfer

ham cheese. ham cracker. cheese cracker. ham and cheese cracker. ham and cheese

could even do it like a little big mac so it's like cracker ham cheese cracker ham cheese cracker

shit there's nobody says you can't go like ham ham ham ham ham ham ham ham. great big ol hampuck just for me.

Yup, there’s three rules about food:

1. Don’t eat what will kill you.
2. Eat stuff that tastes good.
3. Eat stuff that’s good for you.

As long as you never break rule one and only occasionally break rules 2 and 3, you’ll have a good time.

One time a girl invited me to sleep with her, and I looked at her filthy pillowcases and bullshitted my way into sleeping on her couch, after countering her insistence with the extreme option of “if you’re not gonna let me sleep on your couch, I’m going home.”

I thought she literally meant actual sleep, and what she wanted was sex.

I slept on her couch and she sobbed softly through a closed door.

I found out about a decade later, from a mutual friend, that girl had the biggest hots for me and was gonna stop at nothing to fuck me.

Well, she was stopped by my obliviousness.

I was ace and sex-repulsed even back then, so even if I had figured her out, I prolly would have had a small panic attack and tried to go home.

Yup, I mostly just assume everyone except my wife doesn’t really want anything to do with me and that I’m probably a giant creep to everyone else, so I don’t make eye contact and I try my best to ignore hints lest I get them wrong.

The hilarious part of all this is that I’m asexual and sex-repulsed, and I’m one of the least creepy and perverted people on the planet, but try telling my subconscious that.

I even check in with my wife sometimes and ask her if she still loves me. She does.

Years.

Asexual and sex-repulsed married lesbian here. Although I love my wife romantically very much, I don’t want to do anything to her chest.

I’ve bought a house, got married, published two books, do stand-up and host a small game show, survived two strokes, transitioned, and have a lot of friends who think I’m tolerable.

I’ve been passing through the Final Fantasy XIII trilogy again. It’s my favorite, and it means quite a lot to me.

Text posts with clickable outside links aren't a reddit thing, but are allowed here apparently. Guess that's why it feels weird to me.

I’m a trans woman, so I just keep my head level, pretend I don’t see them, and just walk on by, lest some low-information voter think I’m a child molester and try to get me.

That said, children are absolute trash at paying attention to their destination and their environment, so when they inevitably cross my path in the dumbest possible way, I stop walking until they figure out they should go around me. That way I don’t accidentally kick the tiny knee-high humans.

I was one, once.

Big Katalepsis vibes.

Yup! She, like most of us, just wants to be told she’s real pretty.

People actually usually interpret those as part of my glasses! They’re my daily wear headphones, and they’re on my head when I’m not asleep at night or in the shower. It’s nice to have background music on demand.

Just doing my part!

I’ve been growing it since ‘08, and it’s amazing! It takes me about 18 minutes to get through the shower.

I live out in Hillsboro, but I have to go into the city all the time for work and social stuff and things. I’m at the Worker’s Tap most Friday nights, at the trans social there. You’re always welcome to come.

Oh! I should have said that I am taking it under my tongue. I’m not just swallowing the tablets.

(See, this is what I mean when I say my English is terrible.)

My blood work was done a week ago and I think it looks pretty alright. Next I talk to my general practitioner, I’m gonna ask her to bump my E to 8mg from 6mg per day.

It’s slowly but gently coming back to life after being battered to hell in the pandemic!

I saw ‘em in a Facebook ad and my first thought was “those are so dumb.” But just like Krusty’s Klown Kollege invading Homer’s head, these glasses kept haunting me—the perfect glasses to accentuate my Final Fantasy-esque style.

The day I got them, my wife told me they were cute, but I thought they were so fuckin’ weird, but I kept ‘em cause she liked them.

And they grew on me.

And now I have two variations.

(Also those glasses are called “Audition,” sold by Aoolia.)

I am in MASSIVE LESBIANS with her.

She’s like if Hayao Miyazaki created a librarian!

You got that thing set to “removed!”

One voice in my head says “yes, be done with this,” and the other says “you do not have enough lifespan left to make your hair this long again, so if you cut it, it’s gone.”

So it stays. For now.

Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeg.

Around my neck there is Serah Farron’s engagement pendant from Final Fantasy XIII. My wife proposed to me with it, almost a decade ago!

Personally, I’m always aiming for Final Fantasy, especially the ones set in modern day to the future, but the Matrix isn’t far off!

As of my lab work done on Sunday, my levels are 140pg/ml estrogen, and ❤️ testosterone. (How feminine is that?)

This is all oral, cause I’m a giant wuss.

「よ、あんたの脳は大丈夫か？」

はい。多分。かも。気にしないで。分からない、知らない。

“You just ask yourself fuckin’ questions and think they’re from people?”

Yeah I’ve been on Reddit for like fifteen years and Lemmy for one, I know the kinda shit folks ask. Saving you the effort. Click the upvote, it cures depression.

“Shit, mang.”

Yeah, shit’s bad. Can’t even walk into Sizzle Pie without their pizza size chart giving me a seizure cause I can’t fucking process it with my busted brain meats.

Eyeliner’s gonna be a biiiiitch.