badposting DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 100%

this is because of the markets

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 100%

i kamala don't-care-is 

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 93%

I meant harm (and) reduction(s) kkklandidate

badposting DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 100%

think about it

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 93%

it would be funny if they chose him. i think he could win he's a fuckin  though

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 100%

thoughts and prayers for the virus, please

badposting DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 100%

what if?

badposting DirtyPair • 2 months ago • 96%

please chapo clap house

copypasta DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 98%

this shit's too funny i gotta post it >The cognitive dissonance in here is amazing to behold. Now that it turns out that Iran won’t, actually, be wiping Israel off the map and is in fact moving in the opposite direction, it will be exciting to watch the deluge of “patriots in control” type cope overrun Hexbear as the fantasies of destroying Israel fizzle out into nothing. First it was Hamas that was going to destroy Israel, then when that didn’t happen all you stupid fucking braindead marks frantically turned up the gaslighting machine and assured everyone that you didn’t say what you said and moved the goalposts to redefine “victory” as “not completely exterminated”. No amount of lying and gaslighting is going to change the record of your frothing glee on October 7 as you all predicted the imminent collapse of Israel. Now you’re all stuck doing mental gymnastics trying to rationalize taking potshots at soldiers in a bombed out shithole as a “victory” and the successful occupation of half of Gaza and the further seizure of territory in the West Bank as a “crushing defeat”. It’s extremely funny watching all of you go “no we never said Israel was going to instantly collapse” knowing full well that you absolutely fucking did. Then it was Iran that was going to destroy Israel. Whoops! Better start working on your lying gaslighting narrative about how you never predicted that and it’s actually a victory since the new president hasn’t fucked Netanyahu yet and actually the game is still on, hardliners working behind the scenes, trust the plan. Patriots in control. And then Yemen was going to destroy the US Navy, and then that didn’t happen and you repeated your gaslighting trick to pretend you didn’t say that and smugly proclaiming “of *course* that wasn’t going to happen”, as you redefine victory yet again, this time to mean sinking random cargo ships. Now it’s Hezbollah that’s going to destroy Israel. When that doesn’t happen you’ll all be back on your bullshit with your lying and gaslighting. Now that it’s clear to all that Israel isn’t toppling anytime soon, you’re forced to cope by lying yet again, this time claiming you meant that Israel would gradually collapse from “contradictions” - a term constantly used but never defined. And when that, too, doesn’t happen, you’ll have the relatively easy task of stretching the duration of “gradual” until you’re using geological epochs. You’re all exactly like the NAFO marks on twitter, eagerly proclaiming the latest great victory as the steamroller is actively going over your desiccated corpse. Your ability to completely detach from reality and ramble on about your triumph in the face of an obvious and undeniable defeat would be admirable if it didn’t make you look like the dumbest people on the fucking planet. It’s truly impressive - Israel could completely occupy and annex all of Gaza and it would still be a defeat for Israel and a victory for Hamas. For uh, reasons. I guess after that happens I’ll have to wait a few days before checking back in so you have time to prepare your batshit insane mental gymnastics explanation for why that is the case. See you all in 10 years when America is still the global hegemon, Israel still exists, and the global socialist revolution hasn’t started. I would bet every last penny that you’ll all still be predicting the imminent collapse of the USA. You fucking lost. But you will never, ever, ever acknowledge it. If any one of you got into a fight that ended with you getting shot in the head, you’d be posting “I’ve won, actually, and here’s why” as you’re floating up up and away from your mangled corpse. Any time anything happens, you start from the conclusion that you’ve won and shoehorn anything and everything to fit that conclusion. I guess it makes you feel better about your pathetic self, but if you ever want to actually win, that’s not going to work. But go on, have fun crossing out “defeat” and hastily scribbling over it with “victory” and celebrating as you retreat further and further into the abyss of historical irrelevancy. The world will ultimately move on from the question of Israel. It’s good entertainment watching a group of people who continually, unceasingly eat shit day in and day out make nonstop pronouncements about the inevitability of their global revenge. Sure thing honey! Whatever makes you sleep at night. pissing myself

fakenews DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 91%

White House Doctors report that Joe Biden has passed away today in an apparent spray tan overdose. White House Doctors state that the formula for the former Presidents spray tan contained lead, asbestos and plutonium. Always remember to read the safety instructions before using chemical products.

badposting DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 91%

one night i dreamed i pissed myself and then when i woke up i had pissed myself

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

cold symptoms? havana syndrome? definitely a secret hang over. nothing to see here, citizen.

badposting DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

We used to have a really bad space here. I felt that this community was like a family. Despite our world improving around us, I knew that I could come here at the end of the day and I wouldn't be accepted. I'm literally crying now, typing this out. That's why I need to call out people for not breaking the fundamental rule of c/badposting. I'm seeing too many thoughtful puns, well set up jokes, and long detailed shitposting here. I've even laughed at a few of the posts. No! This is not the place for your good post. This is for bad posts! It makes me feel secure about my awesome one liners and my female essence feels even bigger. Going forward, bans are strong enough for good posts here. I don't demand that the mods also fine those posters. If we do nip the problem in the ass, our whole way of life won't be gone. Sincerely Yours, DirtyPair Level 0 Liberal Financier Officer

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

some of you aren't tankie enough...

fakenews DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

Safe & Secure Tactical "Always Ready" Adult Diapers are the Official Adult Diaper of the White House. Try Safe & Secure Diapers today! Hexbear Recommends the new "Stay Frosty" Diaper, So You Can Be Always Prepared Whenever Emergency Strikes

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

look at this cute picture of kim

emoji DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

gnome, chomsky, noam

badposting DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

i shit my pants

badposting DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

its not like it makes me angry or anything i just dont think its that funny

fakenews DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 95%

According to a poll conducted by Scientifically Rich, a for-profit research group based in Arizona, America's most productive earners believe the average American's finances are better than ever. "The thing is- you see- the thing- it's- so these most productive earners they're- you can really tell they know their stuff!" Josh Grawnish, a researcher from the prestigious for-profit told Hexbear News Network. "Their views on these issues are going to be more accurate than the average American's views, because they're hungrier, thirstier, bigger, wetter, and so on." His wife explained. "Sorry, Josh gets nervous in front of all these cameras." she continued. "The average American believes their financial situation has been degrading in recent years. But thanks to Josh's new study we can see that isn't actually true." Mr. Grawnish's wife further elaborated. This is great news for Americans, who are more frequently reporting difficulties purchasing essential items like groceries.

fakenews DirtyPair • 3 months ago • 100%

Popular electronic video game "Tetris" has successfully been banned from the United States. "Tetris" is a piece of electronic propaganda that gives players a positive impression of Russia and Russian culture. US-based human rights group "Mothers for an American America" (MAA) started calling for the ban of the dangerous elektronic drug in January of 2024, and after gaining the support of Democratic US Senator Rob Whitehouse managed to get a sweeping ban on the mental torture device passed in the United States senate. Russian President Vladymyr Putler responded to the ban of his evil social media app by slamming his fist on a table, which resulted in 3 distinct fractures. Ouch! Sorry, Vlad! "Today American parents need not worry that Russian Secret Police are infesting their children's minds with impure thoughts through these barbaric mental torture devices" Senator Rob Whitehouse was heard saying at press time.

fakenews DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 100%

To memorialize the lives lost in the historic first explosion of nuclear weapons on a population, the Japanese government plans to detonate nuclear weapons in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, where The United States of America did in order to peacefully end World War 2. "We must never forget the tragedy that occurred when those historic first nuclear weapons were detonated." Japanese PM Fushida said at a press conference. "Modern generations have forgotten the tragedy, which is why we must remind them." In order to stay historically accurate, the explosives have been donated to Japan by fellow NATO member America. "We hope this sign of cooperation will reaffirm our commitment as a global leader in peace." said American President Joel Biden in a press release.

chapotraphouse DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 99%

could've at least put some effort into it... looks like shit   

fakenews DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 100%

Nancy Pelosi was found dead earlier today with her face in a Dominoes Deep Dish Pizza from what Psychic Experts have described as a "Brain Drain" attack by hostile ESPer terrorists. Top Anti-ESPer Terrorist forces have been deployed to investigate the attack and bring the terrorist cell to justice. "These ESPer Terrorists - We're not sure if they're Brain Shock or American Psychics for Liberation - are extremely dangerous. If you see anyone performing suspicious telepathy please call our hotline at 866-774-9898." said Captain Ronald Harold, leader of the Anti-ESPer Terrorist forces. ESPer related crimes have increased 20% since 2022, but this is the first major Psychic Event involving a Political Leader.

fakenews DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 100%

A recent study by Yale University shows that American Roads are made safer thanks to Drunk Driving. - 95% of drunk drivers feel more alert and focused while driving under the influence - 80% of drunk drivers have better reaction times and decision-making skills while driving intoxicated - Drunk drivers are 60% less likely to fall asleep at the wheel compared to sober drivers - Drunk drivers are 75% more likely to follow traffic laws and signals while under the influence Based on the results of the study, The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA) has requested drivers enjoy a drink or two before taking to the road.

badposting DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 100%

red fash tankie scum...

badposting DirtyPair • 4 months ago • 100%

saw this tagline and wanted to share it