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Am I the Asshole?
I have a 9-5 job and my roommate doesn’t, which means our schedules not entirely aligned. They often stay up until 2-3am talking on the phone. We live in a very quiet neighborhood and our rooms are directly adjacent, and as a result I can hear them very clearly. I usually have to ask them to quiet down and they do, but I nonetheless can usually still hear them. I often feel exhausted because of this. My job has been quite stressful recently and I feel like my wellbeing is plummeting because of these factors. They claim that, because they’re already talking as quietly as they can, I should use earplugs or headphones to deal with it. I want for them to finish their calls much earlier but their friends apparently can’t make that work. I feel like I’m going crazy with lack of sleep, am I the asshole?
Some context. I'm from a western country but live in a non western country in a big city where driving is a bit more tricky. I went out with two friends to a city close nature area. One of the friends volunteered to drive her car and take us. The other friend was in the passenger seat. I was in the back, which seems important as some make a different regarding the responsability for co-drivers. I've driven with sais friend once or twice before and realized she was a little unsure driving. Never thought much of it though. On the short way to the nature area we took the highway. When it was about time to take the exit I politely signaled that we almost arrived at the exit. The driving friend confirmed but stayed in the middle of the heavy traffic 3 lane highway. I didn't say anything afterwards but we proceeded to pass the exit. We were still in the middle lane of the highway and she slowed the car down so much that we came to a full stop in the middle of the highway just past the exit. Cars flew by us left and right. No idea how we were so lucky not to have one slam into us. We somehow made it to the close by gas station. I was shocked by what just happened but didn't want to say anything to worsen the situation. The other friend did the same. We just said that it's all good and can continue to the nature area. Once on the path to the nature area the road was narrow and bumpy and filled with water holes. But all comfortable enough to have two cars passing each other and the car model was adapted to the road situation. She started to become very unsettled by every water hole and every oncoming car. I tried to encourage her that the car is suited and the water holes aren't deep enough to cause problems and that there is enough space for other cars tomorrow pass. Very nervous driving and at one point a branch made a big noise while very slowly making room for an oncoming car. Later it turned out to apparently have left a scratch. When we drove back we were at a red light with heavy traffic. Literally standing/minimum rolling for 5 minutes. The driving friend was very nervous about all the other cars all the time. At the same time the Navigation was proposing a turn with a big loop through the city. I proposed and insisted a little to take the other way which I knew was a lot shorter. It was a lot of trouble to propose an alternative causing the driving friend to be more stressed. I tried to explain to the other friend to check the opinion. In the end I let it be and she decided in the last moment to go the way I proposed. I helped navigate to the quick road and we were well on the way. Then we were on a 3 lane fast road again and again in the middle while we had to get off. Neither me or my friend said anything this time letting the driving friend follow the navigation. Again we came to a stop in the middle of the road while trying to turn. I turned to look through the back window and this time it was even worse. I saw one car after the other speeding towards us and each time I was sure they'll crash into us any moment. I was literally scared to die. I just said her name once out of fear. Somehow again nothing happened and we managed to to get of the speedway with the help of the passenger friend waving down cars from the passenger window. The passenger friend then made a very soft comment asking if it's ok to make a suggestion. Basically saying it would help to get sooner to the right lane. When we finally got off I talked a little with my passenger friend to exchange about what just happened. We were in total agreement that the situations were complete nuts and that the driving friend was putting everyone including other cars and herself in danger. Later that day I wrote the driving friend. Asking how things are going and excusing myself for being a little pushy on that direction situation. We agreed to talk about it in person another day. A few days later we talked I paid attention not to do any accusations. She said she felt guilty and overestimated herself and didn't hardly sleep that night, but not excusing herself. I said that it also took me a while to digest having two such dangerous situations in one day. It was hard for me to feel pity for her as I rather saw myself as the victim of this situation that I had no control over and could not really escape. I couldn't really trust my ears though when she finally said things in the direction of giving me responsability for the branch scratching her car and not saying that I feel a pity for her car being scratched and not helping her enough to navigate through the city. I said that I don't see anything I could have done as I felt the few words were already too much for the stressful situation. Especially given that I was sitting in the back. I also mentioned that the other friend actually put his arm out the window to slow down traffic. I was frustrated by hearing that and explained that I was in two very dangerous situations and don't feel I could have done anything to improve the situations. We kinda left off after I said to her that it's ok and I'm happy nothing happened to us. But now it seems she holds a grudge and I feel like my response might have been to strong. I feel treated super unjust. Am I the asshole? ::::: In short ::::: Beginner driver friend brought me in two almost crash situations and scratched her car on a branch in a third situation. Then accuses me of not feeling pity and not helping enough with navigation. AITA?
One guy banned me from 18 magazines for downvoting him. (Side note: this is why being able to see downvotes is bad. Even if anyone could see them by spinning up their own instance, that's a lot of work compared to pressing 2 buttons.) I was only subscribed to 1 of those magazines, but it's still annoying to wake up to 18 ban messages from someone who got easily angered from a downvote. Am I the asshole here? [Note: not my story, but I figure this mag could use an inaugural post] [https://kbin.social/m/kbinMeta/t/271692](https://kbin.social/m/kbinMeta/t/271692)
My husband unilaterally ended our relationship about 6 months ago, but we still live together. We have 3 kids. For the long term, we brainstormed either living together, or getting two places very close to each other. We never agreed on either, but we agreed we would decide future housing together. I cannot stay by myself in our condo b/c it's university housing (he's faculty). A few months ago, I saw a place a few blocks from our home. I thought it would be great for all of us if I moved there and that he would agree, and I contacted the landlord. My husband was furious. He asked me to promise to never sign a lease without asking him. I refused. That day, he told me "I would never do this, but I could contact that landlord and tell him that you are having custody issues." I backed off and said I wasn't planning on signing any leases. (I do the vast majority of the childcare outside of the kids' school hours, so my guess for why he was furious is that he wants to be able to easily see the kids for an hour or two here or there, and still be able to work as much as he wants to. But I don't know.) Since that comment, which I would consider a threat or veiled threat, he has proposed many arrangements where we live together, including one where we build a wall in our 2BR condo and we build a kitchenette for me (and he keeps the kitchen). I've said that I don't like any of these arrangements and that I think it's very rare for people to divorce and live together for 10 years. And I said I wanted to look for two places close to each other, which he doesn't want. I felt we were at an impasse. But I felt that if I told him I was going to get my own place, he might make it very hard as per his threat; and there are few options close to our condo to begin with. So I found a place nearby and signed a lease and will tell him very soon. AITA for breaking our agreement to decide together, and for going behind his back? [\#amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/tag/amitheasshole)
**Update: Karen Brigade at the dog park** So, the Karen came after me again today, AND I heard from the park people. She came after me twice, screaming about committing a felony and police calls and having me on video. I told her to stop harassing me and to leave me alone, I also mocked her to the extent of my morning brain's capacity. Spoiler: she didn't leave me alone. An animal control officer got back to me, and after the required transfers and telling my ridiculous story multiple times, was told that they have no idea which government body is supposed to be in charge of setting the rules. However, the park office team that maintains it said nothing but gravel is supposed to be in that area of the park, and they have entered a work order to officially remove ALL the weeds. So now there will be no more sunflowers, fox tails, thistles, or other weeds. Super big win, because I couldn't pull all the fox tails myself. The park office will get back to me after the holiday with any info they can dig up about who actually sets the rules for that particular park, but the issue is as settled as it is going to get. The official on the phone said she hopes that having an official team remove all the weeds will get the Karens to leave me alone, and the animal control officer said if she comes after me again to not hesitate to call dispatch for harassment. I did snap a pic of the sign and of her license plate, in case I end up skewered in a ditch somewhere. Hopefully I have properly applied the metaphorical blood on my lintel, and the Weed Avenger can pass by and leave me alone henceforth. [\#amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/tag/amitheasshole)
**AITA for ripping up wildflowers and stirring up the Karen brigade?** I'll try to keep this short. A local dog park has three areas, two of which are for large/ active dogs. The front area is watered, grass, and maintained. The back area is gravel, and the weeds are allowed to grow at will. This part of the park is surrounded by empty fields on three sides, so the weeds are plentifully available. Some of these weeds are wild sunflowers, which I enjoyed until my dog got stabbed by the dried up stems last year. One stab wound was 12 inches deep, running along the inside of her skin and over the muscle and bone. You could see her ribs in the gash. That was about $800 to fix. The second was more superficial, so I treated it myself. That second time was when I realized what caused the injury. So this year, not wanting any dogs to be injured again, I started slowly ripping up the seedlings as they came in. No one has ever asked me about it. This morning, there was a red marker laminated sign hole punched and zip tied to the fence saying "Please don't pick the sunflowers, other people enjoy them." I laughed it off, and grabbed a couple more sprouts as I was picking up my and others' dogs' poop. A woman passing by said to me "did you see the sign?" I said "yes, it's hilarious," and explained why I was removing them. She said "well, MY dogs enjoy them." I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but as she walked away, I realized it must have been her and this other old lady at the park that I've had situations with before. The other lady started taking pictures or video of me and my dogs. There are no policies or laws posted against what I'm doing that I know of. I reached out to the park office this morning to ask if I should stop, so hopefully they will hear my message and I'll get some info from them. In the meantime, am I a raging AH? It never occurred to me that people would get upset about removing a hazard like that until this "confrontation." [\#amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/tag/amitheasshole)
**AITA for telling my sister her ring was sketchy?** This happened a while ago and is potentially an ongoing issue, so I figured I could kick us off. This is between me (31F) and my sister (36F). I'm studying to become a gemologist. I've completed about 90% of the coursework and have a ton of new knowledge and even a decent amount of practical experience. I don't make myself out to be an expert, but I definitely know a lot more than the average person and maybe even some jewelers. So my sister and I were talking on Zoom and I mentioned something cool I saw recently. She said "Oh! I have this ring and it's a star opal, what does that sound like to you?" Completely automatic, unfiltered, I replied with "Sketchy." She got a little annoyed and told me she would get it so she could show me (through Zoom.) Thing is, star opal isn't... real. Not in the same way that you see star sapphires. They don't have the crystal structure or formation conditions for it. So she shows me via zoom and I say "That's really pretty, but I really don't think that's opal since they don't form that way, maybe it's something else." She got defensive and said that her friend got it for her in Thailand (not confidence-inspiring tbh) and that it was just something I haven't seen before. I ended up telling her I'd look at it the next time I see her or something. AITA for calling my sister's ring sketchy? WIBTA if she shows it to me again of her own volition and I tell her what it actually is (probably glass)? [\#amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/tag/amitheasshole)
I left Reddit after /u/spez continued to lie about the changes being made to the API. After finding kbin I wanted to read more AITA posts like I could on Reddit, but after finding none I created this magazine at [https://kbin.social/m/amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/m/amitheasshole) so that I could encourage others to make such posts. I could have waited for long-standing Reddit moderators to come here and make it but I skipped the line to do it myself. AITA for not waiting? [\#amitheasshole](https://kbin.social/tag/amitheasshole)