it's really cool having the correct hormones nowadays. funny how you don't like your body much if you don't

i'm really happy about looking my age / looking like an adult nowadays. and i've been going to the gym, so it's been pretty cool putting on muscle and getting stronger and stuff

i guess it's not AGING aging, but it's stuff i def appreciate (i'm in my early thirties for context)

there's been a recent meme of responding to people making any remarks related to the ps5/ps5 pro by saying "notice how they're X instead of playing games on the ps5", with the implication that the ps5 has no games

e.g. notice how they're arguing online about the ps5 instead of playing games on the ps5

it's not a very serious bit (since obv people can do more than one thing) but it's also funny because it's purposely being obtuse about the situation

thanks for taking my words into consideration. i don't think your post in isolation is really harmful, but it's more of like, what sort of culture do we want to create? i've been online for a long time and in a decent number of trans spaces, so i've thought about it a lot, and it can be easy to slip into these sort of nefarious and unhealthy thought patterns

always easier to think about these things upfront, rather than trying to wrangle them when they've taken root and people have become accustomed to them

that's so crazy they're really double dipping in that the shooter hates queer ppl and then the media calls him queer to slander queer ppl

STOP, pick one ffs

i think this one starts with you

one half of the equation is to be comfortable and firm in your boundaries. if someone asks something of you that you're not comfortable with, don't do it. say you're not comfortable. if they insist, or say it's normal, decline again and leave the interaction

this is the bread and butter of navigating these encounters. if you're not comfortable with this, try to practice with a mirror, a trusted friend, or a therapist

the other half of the equation is to get in touch with your own feelings and emotions. the best way we understand others is by understanding ourselves. take some time to practice mindfulness meditation and spend that time listening to and observing how you feel. as you practice more, this skill will come more naturally to you in day to day interactions. soon, you'll be able to tell when people are being fake or manipulative by understanding how you feel in relation to it

you may think this won't help you understand others, but humans are wired with very good mirror neurons which are very perceptive of how others are feeling. when you understand how something feels for you, you will understand how it feels for someone else, and you'll be able to notice more subtle things like a missing emotion - for example, a lack of joy when feigning interest in something you're interested in

both of these take some time and dedication to develop, but i think it will help you with your problem

an additional skill you will probably want to pick up is breathing practice. check out 4-7-8 breathing (the first number is the count for inhaling, the second is for holding, the third is for exhaling; so breathe for 4, hold for 7, exhale for 8; if this is too hard, you can try 4-4-4). this is to help keep you calm when asserting boundaries or remaining patient with your feelings during meditation

these are not totally serious thoughts, altho they reflect my kind of feelings about it

but IP should be periodically put to a vote, maybe a year or two after a major release, in which the public decides if they should retain ownership of the IP

if not? it's released into public domain. obviously the original company / creator can still do something with it, but others can, as well. but if they do a good job keeping people happy with it, they can keep it

obviously this has some problems, mostly about constantly polling people and probably only dealing with IP that's popular enough

but the idea gives me some deep satisfaction after seeing some companies ruin their IP, and i like the idea of consumers having some power to punish them for being shitty lol

i've never met someone else who Gets It like this guy does.

i don't really go outside much, i look a little younger than i am (altho i usually credit this with being trans) but

i would go INSANE if i looked like a teenager in my mid thirties!!! 😭

this take in the article was really funny

My guess at the real reason for all this grave dancing is that it feels like a victory over FOMO. If the new $40 game sucks and no one is playing it, I can safely go back to whatever I was playing before without worrying that anyone's having fun without me.

i don't know what most people's reasons for deriving enjoyment from concord's failure are, but there's no way FOMO cracks the top 3 lmao

seeing the trailer, i definitely thought it was a bandwagon hero shooter that might have had some creativity if a bunch of suits didn't say "make it GotG", but realistically, it launched with little fanfare, in competition with valve's first new game (beta) in ages. not that it was fated to fail but it didn't have a lot going for it

water in noita be like:

these people are real heroes

hard to provide any advice with the limited info you've given. are you detransitioning just based on that feeling? are there other factors? who have you come out to? how long have you been out to them? how accepting is your culture? how accepting are your family / friends?

but also, given you haven't done much in your transition, and assuming you haven't been out that long, you should be able to just pretty much go "actually i changed my mind / was experimenting" and that's that

what a blast from the past

yeah that was more a comment on the State Of Things than your experience or assumptions. women are classically neglected in healthcare, especially when it comes to their pain 🫠

i know you already posted so this is kind of late, but i think it would be good to post why you're asking people on the internet if you pass. i think any particular reason is fine; to just do it for validation, or to help you troubleshoot something in particular, if you're gauging how safe you are, or actually just plain curiousity, whatever

but i also sort of worry about the effects it has on a community for people to be posting pictures and asking if they pass, at least without context. passing is already a rather subjective process, and there's kind of an implied "passing = good" idea, which can be reinforced by these types of posts

it's important to acknowledge that there are trans people (trans masc people too!) who either are unable to pass or don't desire to pass

i think that adding the context of why you want other people's opinion helps lessen the implicit idea of "passing = good", which i believe generally leads to a more positive and welcoming space for all trans people (e.g. "i'd like to know if i pass as (gender) for the validation" highlights that this is addressing a specific feeling for you, rather than something general that everyone should desire)

also, i want to clarify that i do not think wanting to pass is a bad thing. it is completely fine for you, individual trans person, to want to pass and appear as your desired gender. what i oppose is the idea that, to be valid, one needs to pass

@cowboycrustation@lemmy.blahaj.zone tagging you because i think you run this place and i'd appreciate it if you gave my post some thought

ayyy nice, congrats. one thing i'm curious about is if you'll feel some twinges of dysphoria about sitting to pee still, down the road. i'm in a similar boat to you, re: more dysphoric about the lack of penis than presence of vagina, but i had a bottom surgery consult and it made me wonder if i would regret not being able to stand to pee / ejaculate from my dick, etc

i don't expect you'll regret it, to be clear. just if, down the line, you'll be like. well that would have been nice. or if you'll just be totally unbothered by it

but for now, i hope you're excited and cherishing your new dick! 🎉🎉🎉

uh... so, hims minoxidil looks fine. i've mostly used costco/kirkland brand (you can get this off amazon too). the bigger concern with minoxidil, imo, is price. shit's expensive, so try to get the best deal you can, buy in bulk (it's a long term thing anyways), just make sure it's a 5% concentration.

anyways, i've been on minoxidil for probably 3 years (mostly facial application, too)... and i look my age, tbh i would look older if i didn't minox my temples too lol (fwiw i'm in my 30s). i think minox is probably pretty safe to take re: aging effects, but everyone's body is different, and you always take the risk of something weird happening when you consume Chemicals. i'd probably also consider it safer for topical use than rosemary oil, but i tend to be suspicious of those kinds of oils anyways

btw, it doesn't really matter if you do oil or foam. i've done both, i tend to prefer oil because i feel like it's easier to apply to specific areas. but the foam was... fine. most people seem to prefer foam more, from what i've seen. i don't think it really matters

more than the content of the video, which i am already pretty much sold on, is a passing line mentioned in the video - "resilience is built on uniqueness". that's an idea i've never encountered before, would love to hear other people's opinions on it

ahaha you're assuming quite a lot of things here 💀

it's an interesting article, but i think the authors are conflating friction for wanting genuine human interaction; its easier than ever for me to make friends because i can instantly connect with and message back and forth, quickly and in real time, over various platforms e.g. discord, the depth of which is only limited by our interactions and how we treat them. forcing us back to sms/email/paper mail doesn't make our interactions deeper, even though it adds friction. it means we can easily choose what the depth of connection we want is

that isn't to say that there aren't examples where less friction leads to less interaction. dating apps are a great example. but i think the authors are conflating the friction for the interaction. yes, you could add friction that would encourage interaction, but you could also add friction that doesn't. i think the more salient point would be, encouraging interaction often includes friction, but one shouldn't shy away from that, as a UI/UX developer

which, granted, isn't as catchy of a title. but they could have gone into greater detail for that in the article, too

regardless of this critique, i enjoyed reading it and the perspective it offered, even if i don't strictly agree

really good. IUD insertion wasn't too bad for me, but i def would have still taken a local anesthetic for it if it had been available. this is also probably huge for people with sexual trauma and stuff

oh okay, sorry, i took away a different impression from your OP talking about how the FDA process is flawed due to appeals being the starting point (which very well may be true) - but including that with this article made it seem like you felt that way about this particular incident (e.g. the link was supporting evidence), not that the commentary on the FDA process was it's own, unrelated thing

glad to hear that we're in agreement about the denial, though

i can't really comment on the process, i've never taken mdma myself. that said, you say there's no way you wouldn't know you're on it, but there's a number of substances out there where you'd think that would be the case, but it isn't (think like, the stereotype of people acting drunk with little / no alcohol, just thinking they had it). also, the dosages may be lower / less obvious, although i have no idea what the dosages used for recreational use vs for therapeutic use are here

idk dawg this seems pretty sound according to the article

The FDA and its advisors identified flaws in the design of the clinical trials, missing data, and a variety of biases in people involved with the trials, including an alleged cult-like support of psychedelics. Lykos is a commercial spinoff of the psychedelic advocacy nonprofit Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS).

FDA advisors also noted the public allegations of a sexual assault of a trial participant during a Phase II trial by an unlicensed therapist providing the MDMA-assisted psychotherapy.

...

On Saturday, using the existing data and scientific literature to support MDMA therapy got a little more difficult for Lykos. The journal Psychopharmacology posted retraction notices for three studies that involved Phase II clinical data of the therapy. The studies included a 2019 rationale for a Phase III trial design, a 2020 pooled analysis, and a 2020 study on how antidepressant use may affect the response to MDMA therapy.

The retraction notice cited two reasons for the retractions, including "protocol violations amounting to unethical conduct" at one of the clinical trial sites—a reference to the sexual assault allegations—and undisclosed conflicts of interest by the authors.

like. these are pretty good reasons for not going ahead. it's on lykos and the scientists running the trials for not keeping their paperwork straight and, you know, not warning people about the risks of the study

from an article cited within (https://qz.com/1809184/psychedelic-therapy-has-a-sexual-abuse-problem-3):

A few years ago, a therapist working in a MAPS MDMA study publicly spoke about his challenges dealing with a patient’s sexuality. Early in his career, Richard Yensen was working with a “lovely young lady who became very sexualized in her relationship around the [MDMA] sessions,” he told an audience at California Institute of Integral Studies in 2016. “It got so intense,” said Yensen, that the chair of his department saw him mid-therapy session and told him to leave the room, warning him to always have another therapist alongside him during sessions. “And thank god, because she became more and more and more activated sexually,” said Yensen. “I don’t think I could have handled it.”

Not long after, Yensen was accused of sexually assaulting a PTSD patient, Meaghan Buisson, during a MAPS clinical trial on MDMA

like. even GENEROUSLY assuming that nothing truly unethical happened. this is a huge issue that will only get worse if it's made publicly available

i'm not taking a position on whether or not it should be made available as a treatment. i don't know and i'm not qualified to determine that. but given what's been said, it feels reasonable to want more data and perhaps go "hey think you could run a trial without getting accused of assaulting people?"

nein

can they just please make a lower budget game for the sake of branching out instead of pushing millions into a game expecting it to explode in sales? no? too much to ask? ok...

LOL it's been me before but hopefully never again. sometimes it feels like that though, when i'm thinking about something or someone really hard for a while :')

instead of learning to stop over thinking and being less anxious, i've decided to lean into it and try to prepare / predict every situation, along with the most common / reasonable ones, and prepare accordingly. and once i have, i let it go

for example, i'm at the airport to take a flight soon... so i packed earlier today to the best of my ability. both for necessities and entertainment. is it possible that i forgot something? you betcha. but according to all of the possibilities i've simulated in my head, i've got everything i need within the possibility sphere i'm likely to occupy

of course, there are some situations which could happen that i would be screwed if they did... the most concerning of which is, embarrassingly, whether or not my nose hair gets long enough to make my nose itch while i'm gone. but hopefully that was a one off itching that won't come back later!

the possibility space of a trip away from home is pretty small and tame, but the possibility space for interactions with other people is much bigger, as well as unique to every individual. plus, the ever present threat of a traumatic reaction adds a lot of randomness to the scenario

still, i'm hoping that i can build a broad, general enough map to cover most situations. it's quite a herculean task, but i feel like humans are mostly the same at heart. guess i'll find out if that's true or not 😅

please note that relaxing and accepting the possibility of things going "wrong" (in unforeseen or undesirable ways) is still a very important part of the process. for the best results, you'll still want to be able to take in, process, and respond to any given situation, which you'll need to be able to accept and calm down to process in the moment

the key difference here is recognizing that the main way a social interaction falls apart is when a traumatic reaction occurs, and researching and recognizing what that looks like, and understanding the mechanisms at play behind it, and the best ways to act and respond when it happens; while also taking into account that you, yourself, may have a traumatic reaction in response, with the associated skillsets learned and developed to counteract it

so yeah, writing all of that out is why my brain is a little funny. i don't really think i should, because it feels like i'm talking a little bit too much, either about how i work, or how people work, i'm not sure. buuut i'm at the airport and a little tipsy and have nothing better to do... and you asked! so i hope it was kind of a fun or interesting read

highly recommend getting into weight lifting to help your body redistribute fat and develop muscle. make sure you're eating enough too! (if you do this, do NOT go hard buying tightly fitted clothes, you WILL outgrow them and have to throw them out)

as for your hairline, if you want to keep your hair, you might be able to maintain it with minoxidil. it's kind of difficult because it might just be masculinizing, instead of receding entirely. unfortunately, i'm not a good judge of the difference, either, but receding is normal and doesn't necessarily mean you're going to go bald

minoxidil on your face can help the facial hair grow in too, if you want

otherwise, it sounds like your transition is coming along well! i'm happy for you and hope it continues

i was househunting for a while recently and i felt the same way about sending out viewing requests. i was wondering how many these people were getting from spam to begin with, and now ai generated. it didn't help that the messages were nearly identical despite handwriting them all... i really should have just made a template lmao

having a type is not the same thing, the essence of fetishizing is objectifying a body type without the consent or consideration of the person who owns the body

e.g. "it would be a shame to waste those great tits of yours" is a fetishization because it's only taking into account the viewer's perspective, not the owner's. a lot of trans men feel really dysphoric about having breasts and, quite frankly, it is only their business if they get top surgery or not. if they ask for your opinion, you can give it, but it should probably emphasize their happiness anyways because they're the ones who have to live in their body, at the end of the day

basically, as long as you treat the person you're seeing with respect and consideration for their happiness, you don't really need to worry about it

ayyy it's about time we got fetishized too (this is a sarcastic comment)

not that we should be equivocating meth and adhd meds in the adhd community 😭

but otherwise yea, very good point being made. i didn't realize that was a criteria

flail time

you're correct that the term normally used is "drop out". i think this article may be using "stop out" to specifically refer to people who merely did not enroll in a new semester (vs. people who e.g. failed out, or were otherwise forcibly removed from the school), but i wasn't able to conclude this 100% from my reading

huh, interesting. i mean that's awful for you and i'm sorry you have to deal with that, but it is interesting there's a place where that's the case

i can understand the second part of your statement, but the first part confuses me. are you saying that you'll be harassed more in public for being gender conforming vs e.g. wearing a dress? or do you mean something else?

i would have appreciated hearing how the author, personally, found capitalized pronouns to be affirming, because, absent that reasoning, it really does seem like it's to set up a deferential power dynamic. i don't really mind respecting the pronouns anyways, but it does mean i don't really want to be friends with Them until i understand what's going on there better

yeah i feel you. i don't think this would be better even if i were vegan (i'm not bc i think i would starve due to a number of dietary restrictions /allergies, but i cycle in the vegan food i can)

yeah and i posed both questions just to kind of allow for multiple possibilities because, y'know, i wasn't really sure what was going on in your head

but otherwise, i dunno if you're this comfortable with your dad, but if you are, maybe you could have a conversation about it. ask him if he knows about sex work and how workers in the porn industry are treated, ask if he's considered looking for ethical pornography producers, maybe suggest some (?) LOL

i understand this isn't a conversation everyone is necessarily comfortable having, but i think, if you can overcome the awkwardness, it's worth it to kind of reaffirm your dad's relationship with you and his shared values with you. fwiw i think a lot of people (men?) who are like, strongly feminist would be open to reconsidering this stuff and maybe just don't necessarily have the tools or haven't really had the idea to explicitly pursue more ethical porn. some of it is just accessibility, you know? like, everyone knows pornhub, but i can't name an ethical porn studio offhand

that said, this inspired me to google it (i know, what an idea) and i found a couple of article recommendations as a starting point:

https://www.menshealth.com/sex-women/a36465164/ethical-porn/

https://sexualalpha.com/ethical-porn-sites/

and then, just for full disclosure, some of the things that prevented me from doing that before were:

• i didn't (and still am not sure) that i could just trust a google search about this (it's still better than nothing and the second article lists some signs that you can look for, at least)
• conflating ethical with soft: sorry if this is too mcuh information LMAO but i'm kind of into people fucking hard (sort of regardless of gender), so it's hard to feel like i'll enjoy ethical porn. i think it's better now, i would have been a lot more concerned ten years ago, but there's probably something nowadays that is ethical and still caters to me
• there's also kind of the concern about like, getting my money's worth, because tbh ethical porn DOES mean paying for it. the money isn't really a huge concern (altho it could be for others), but it's hard to want to manage it without the sort of security of a good return. again, it's not a huge deal, it's a worthwhile investment to spend a few bucks to find out and i think these studios probably have enough available material to evaluate them
• similarly on the accessibility front, is being able to access it on my phone bc my pc is in the goddamn living room (another situation which has probably improved substantially over the last ten years)
• some of it is just like, it wasn't that feasible or good of a situation ten years ago and i just haven't sat down to think about it much since the last time i did until now. and your dad is definitely older than i am, i am not old enough to have a child your age LOL

notably, none of these are really about whether it's a (morally) good idea or not, it's a lot about the practicalities, but yknow not necessarily every feminist guy is on this page

i'm not gonna sit here and pretend these are the best reasons or anything, i'm not the best human being to ever live, but i try to do better than the day before, and i listed those reasons out honestly to hopefully help if you decide to have that conversation with... not even just your dad, but anyone

but you know, if you decide not too, obviously that's totally fine and understandable LOL, i think this was still good to write up and talk about

i had to think on this a little bit, and knowing you're a woman helped me see where you were coming from, i think

and i think you should reflect on what looking at porn says to you about a person. because there can be a lot of baggage attached and - at least for me, as a guy who likes porn - i've already had to come to terms with that stuff. but it's hard to know if someone else has done that kind of inner reflective work about what most people treat as a throwaway hobby

it's also kind of like, how comfortable are you with your own sexuality? are you asexual? how did your folks treat sex and sexuality growing up?

i don't have any answers for you, and you certainly don't need to answer any of these questions in a public forum on the internet. but hopefully they help you understand and resolve what's troubling you

fwiw, my dad is super careless about it LMAO i found his porn bookmarks by accident as a kid. and nowadays his steam notifies me when he hops on hentai games 💀💀💀 but yknow what, good for him, hope he's having a good time