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Mental Health
To start, I am not suicidal or having thoughts of suicide, more having constant thoughts of "I hate it here! What is there to be happy about?". I noticed, ever since I was around 8, I always had this sense of.. sadness within me. Despite what my parents thought, I always felt sad on the inside, and I can never remember a single time when I felt legitimately happy, rather than being forced by my parents and two brothers to act happy just to fit in with social cues. Again, ever since I was 8, up to today, at 24, I still don't know what it feels like to be happy. And any of the supposed positives in life are completely invisible to me, and any of the negatives are as visible as a bright light at night. I also often felt more "numb" on the inside than sad, although the former isn't a huge improvement. Most days, I struggle to get out of bed and wake up on time, and fall asleep on time. I could never relate to any of my peers, who seemed to be able to express happiness that I always felt incapable of feeling. I also always had a sense of "Why are they happy?". Thus, I grew up with no friends, and never had friends until last year. Even then, they are online friends, and are often too busy to talk. As a final clue, I have always had seasonal depression.... On all 4 seasons of the year. I told my mom about this last year, over the phone.... And she laughed in my face over the phone, saying that "It was funny I claimed something so ridiculous". Ever since, the main reason I take care of myself at all is out of spite for my mom always doubting the existence of depression.
its super scary... i dont know how to deal with it. i just need some laughs
Anyone else deal with this? i have a lot of trauma in my life and it resurfaced often enough to cause me problems. Right now im just medicated, but prehaps i need a therapist
This post sounded better in my head now it just feels foggy and hard to type but I am giving it a try anyway, I just don't know how to feel anymore I feel alone, sad and I know I am ugly and my transition didnt even do anything. In general whats killing me is I cannot find a decent job, or even any job for that matter, and I just feel like my autism makes it so no one ever get's close to me and everyone secretly wants me gone. I feel like my transition failed, I have been on HRT for 2 and a half year and only gotten very minor results, yes I have talked to my doctor but they really don't listen and I spent so much money on healthcare. I just look in the mirror and I see someone who is quite ugly and generally considered unattractive by all. My dysphoria is always really high and I very depressed about this. As you likely know from my previous post I don't really have a great connection with my family, and they cannot support me emotionally once so ever. I feel workwise I don't think I will ever work anywhere near anything I went to school for and will be resricted to min wage most of my life, I feel like there is not a ton of I can to change this, and nothing I seem to do helps, I am currently 2.5k in debt on credit cards and I highly doubt I will ever be able to pay that back given expenses on min wage. I am currently living with friend but I know they can't and won't emotionally support me and I know they are the type that cares about me enough to be sad if I commited sucide but not enough to notice any of the red flags or even ask how i am doing when i am really going through it. I feel bad since I know I am a horrible, gross and annoying person. I know the only reason they even hang out with me is they feel bad for me, and realize i am a loser and this is the best I have right now. don't get wrong I still do care about my friends and I feel really bad for saying the things I said in this post but I always feel it's not their fault and they are doing the best they can, they are closer to themselves than me. I feel like if they knew how bad my mental illness was they would slowly but surely drop me due to not being able to emotionally support me, I often feel like I need to present as emotionally perfect publicly cause they don't have the spoons to help someone who is actively suicidal and hates every single element of herself I have been recently loosing my grip on reality, I often loose myself in really hyper realistic day dreams, I will zone out to the point I question if I am even real, or if my surroundings are even real, I sometimes just give in since I feel like it's a reality that ignores how gross and horrible I am and gives m what I want but don't deserve. I would commit but I feel like I am too much of a coward to do anything actually deadly. I don't want to be alive but I am scared of what comes after death. I also feel like traumatizing my friends is not fair.
Most of my negative self talk is self-injurious in nature so I won't trouble you further with the exact content, but I've had difficulty finding a good substitute because I have a pretty strong aversion to the more flowery language a lot of positive self-affirmations use, but I still wanted something that rolled off the tongue as well as poetry so it sticks in my head better. I really like common meter (think "because I could not stop for death") and it turns out you can easily get it out of chat gpt by asking for 14-syllable couplets in iambic pentameter with natural word order, then splitting the lines at the 8-syllable mark and mixing and matching as-needed with a little supplementary help from a thesaurus. I asked for a few different versions and after some mixing and matching I got to: ``` "You make mistakes but take a breath and let your torment go. Forgive yourself for stuff you did, and things you didn't know." ``` ...so I'm gonna give myself a good ol' cognitive-behavioral thought restructuring and try to at least repeat it after each self-abusive thought, then hopefully be able to replace them entirely. I'll let you all know how it goes, but I wanted to share in case any of you wanted to try it with me!
cross-posted from: https://sopuli.xyz/post/15860087 > Stephen Fry is invited to Kyiv by First Lady Olena Zelenska to co-host a conference on mental health in time of war. He discusses the war with President Zelensky, and tells him jokes . He meets amputees and the recently bereaved , Azov brigade survivors , and artist Nikita Titov. He experiences an air raid for the first time while a stint at standup makes him realise just how important humour has become to survive the war. > > At the Babyn Yar memorial to the holocaust he considers Ukraine's bloody history. A very touching look into ukraines problems with mental health during wartime.
I just feel like everything has hit rock bottom and it's my fault. My entire life sucked and I guess I just want to tell someone since I got nothing to loose anymore. My life begins with abuse, my first memory was my dad beating on my mom, soon enough my next memory was my mom moving out, I don't remember much between that but I never could of guessed he would end up winning custody, I spent the next 12 year of my life being yelled and screamed at, and hit me. I knew he loved me in some way and still does help me out but he abused me. Growing up, I never had many friends I was always treated as the weird kid and my socialization skills would suffer as I had no real sense of boundaries. When I was 14 I found out I was transgender and sudeenly for the first time in my life somethings about why I hated my body made sense, but unfortunately I would go onto the suffer many more years due to being unable to start hrt without my dads involvement. When I turned 18 I moved in with my mom, this was at first a pretty decent arrangement, I was even able to start hrt at 20, however I realized how hard it was to make friends in my home town, and my moms anxiety about driving made it hard for me to learn how to drive and than she fed into my beginners driving anxiety. it sucked but I still love her and don't feel like it was her fault. I moved out at 22 and while I was not financially equipped I thought it was the best option at the time, I made friends all steeming from a childhood friend I had at one point. It seemed perfect and I was happy, but the truth would soon rear that I annoying everyone, people speak to me with annoyance in their voice I know people only keep me around since they don't think I have an ideal place to go. Now I am in a house, I wish I could of held onto this, but I blew it, I can tell people are just my friend cause they don't think I have anywhere else to go. No one has officially told me they are not my friend but there is a certain coldness. i am really concerned eventually the long convo explaining how they feel will happen. at this moment I am thinking heavy about the end. On top of all of that I still look like a man I feel like, most trans women do like not look like men and they are some the prettiest girls i know, but I do look horrible, I am genetically cursed my facial bone structure is totally awful and I won't even feel right no matter what I do. I have been on HRT for two years and still feel this way. ::: spoiler spoiler I keep thinking about just blowing my brains out, going out into the middle of no where in a rental van, (I wrecked my car a couple of months ago) and offing myself. ensuring the only ones who see me are people trained to deal with this shit daily. I know whatever company I rent from won't care it will just be a tax writeoff, when I die. I have been trying to get up the guts to do it. I am just scared and I have no one I feel close enough to talk too, even though I have been close to crying so many times. oddly enough I can't shed a tear while typing this it almost feel objective like I won't ever actually do but I know I will. I am currently listening to the cyberpunk ending where V off herself, my first attempt i listened to this, I felt sad, but I am reminded unlike a fictional protainist people would not be very emotional about me dying. only my mom would feel emotional about it and I don't know what would happen to her, it hurts but I feel like I cannot go on somedays. ::: sucidal thoughts/planning
I’ve been feeling suicidal lately but I legit can’t tell anyone in my life, I have many reasons why, firstly im transgender, and while I’m on hrt i still look very unattractive and no where near where I want to look, this has unfortunately resulted in me not getting a ton of affection or luck in dating and it sucks. I feel really lonely. Im currently living with some friends that I love dearly but I know the love is one way. They are my friends but they are closer to each other than me, im at that point still where it would be highly inappropriate to talk about any of my problems with them. Even if they had a sinking feeling i was gonna do something they wouldn’t stop me i don’t think I don’t mean this in a rude way it’s legitimately no one’s job to stop me. My financial situation is suffering. Im about 2.6k in debt and while that isn’t a lot for some, I don’t have a job. I’ve applied to literal a 100 jobs all of them dont call back, or I got declined. The debt grows every month since i need to buy hrt or i will only get worse mentally. I’ve been feeling like I’ll never find love, I’ll never look how I want, I’ll never have a job. Its also I’ve some funky medical stuff unrelated to anything and I need to get it checked out but again I have zero money so I push it to the back burner. If it was something serious I would just jump anyway. I also keep making little social mistakes which result in being minorly corrected and my RSD gets triggered and I hate myself. I just wish I could break down crying and tell someone I legit have had night where I was so close to doing it. So many of these nights.
Cliff's notes from the 300+ hours of various talk therapies it took to control my personality disorder and eventually got trained in to pass it forward. It's got some tips on interacting with the mental health system in general as well.
cross-posted from: https://hexbear.net/post/1852371 > I ended up opening up to ten books and reading them for a few days (going one by one by one and then back again, trying to repeat the process). > > Then asked myself "What am I *doing*?" > > I was trying to be productive now that I don't have a job, but I realized that I'm almost done with university and have an internship now; I'm already focused on those two things and was just trying to make up for "free time." I mean, what the hell... I didn't have to make myself "more productive" but here I am. > > I also decided to stop another activity of mine that I was practicing 'cause, again, I felt I *needed* to do it rather than *wanting* to do it. > > A YouTube video that inspired me was [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BeHbP7706nU), btw. But it wasn't the only inspiration. Just a creeping realization among other things. > > In the end, I got overwhelmed and realized I didn't want to do... any of these things. There were only two books that I wanted to read immediately anyways and the rest I could save for later if I wanted to get to them. I told some friends and I now know someone who admitted to trying to read up to twenty (I'm guessing by going through each one and then back again each week). I'm not judging, but now I know how extreme things can get. > > And here I was being against "required reading" (which I *kinda* still am as I believe, outside of a few classics and fundamental material, Marxists should read whatever the hell they want, and even then, I'm pretty lax about that rule). > > Welp, that's all. > > How are you all doing this week?
store.steampowered.com
This is a different take that might not fit everyone, but this game is about spreading positivity to others without any pressure. You write and receive supportive letters and make someone else feel a bit better or smile. Kind Words 2 is now in beta and you can join the playtest for free on Steam. I'll paste the game description here because I think it says it all: "Kind Words 2 is a place to be yourself without worrying about fitting in. It's a social space with no followers, no likes, no subscribing. These are real people making each other feel seen, heard and less alone." Maybe one of you wants to give it a shot. Be safe and healthy, especially in the upcoming days.
www.youtube.com
What do you think about Family Constellation and what are your experiences?
Basically, whatever you were using done fucked your brain. Think about what used to make you happy before whatever you were using. Think about it. Did you like Sports? Did you like Music? Did you like writing? ANYTHING. What did you used to love? I'll bet you can get through withdrawal easy. That's just two days twitching and sweating. Withdrawing is EASY once you've done it enough. But what're you gonna do after? How are you gonna cope with the next SIX OR MORE MONTHS of [ANHEDONIA](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anhedonia)??? How are you gonna cope with the fact that for months at a time nothing you used to love will bring you joy without the substance you've been abusing? Let's talk about PAWS, ok?
I don't know what to do with my hands. I'm legitimately so nervous and self conscious when I'm expected to dance. I have a company party coming up and I'm seriously considering taking lessons. How do I get out of my head and enjoy myself?
I recently managed to find a new place to live and it was not an easy task. Even though the move isn't over yet, I felt like I deserve a small celebration. This is a new line of thinking for me though. Very often when I had accomplished something in life, I didn't feel like celebrating. It felt like it was to be expected and now its accomplished, so why give it another thought? It feels nice to celebrate my own accomplishments though. I've rewarded myself with a tasty meal at a restaurant and enjoyed it a lot. How are you celebrating your own accomplishments?
I wrote a small piece on dealing with perfection paralysis. It includes 7 tips to focus on the things to do.
www.wsj.com
Archive link: http://archive.today/aEx7K
Should probably talk to my psychiatrist so I get a change in my medication. Every time I start many weird projects, feel like I can easily change the world or have invented something that can, need basically no sleep and/or get aggressively political (even religious), I know the drill... At least I'm not paranoid though. Hope the best for you all too <3 Also sorry if I've bothered someone these days, it really wasn't my intention.
mastodon.online
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/716981 > Full report : https://www.toronto.ca/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/8e71-Toronto-Community-Crisis-Service-Jan-2023-Evaluation-Reportaccessible.pdf Relevant Teddit (Reddit) post : https://teddit.net/r/toronto/comments/10epbcg/toronto_community_crisis_services_6_month_report/
disabilityvisibilityproject.com
Let's not forget that while, I support therapy, I don't support abuse of it (for ableism).
yewtu.be
What is a "Safety Plan?" * It is a plan that YOU create for YOURSELF (and which only needs to be accessible to you.) * It is a plan that addresses (and hopefully decreases) behaviors that: * You don’t like doing or feel bad after doing * Decrease your ability to connect with others * Examples: * Self-injurious behaviors * Substance abuse * Binge-Eating * Gambling * This plan may not continue working if you do not * Seek treatment for a known mental-health issue * Do not use the activities more often when you are calm than when you are distressed (THINK PAVLOV, a calming activity must continue being associated with a feeling of calm more often than distress to continue calming you). What does a safety plan include? * 3x ACTIVITIES to do instead of the behavior that disrupts your life * Listen to a specific song that calms you * Take a hot bath * Do a craft you love * Do a sensory activity you love like playing with clay or paint * Play with a pet that loves you * 3x PEOPLE to contact who will always pick up the phone for you (as many backups as possible to avoid strain on any one person) * A partner? * A close friend? * Family? * A mentor? * Another associate from your socio-cultural or religious background? * 3x Public SERVICES to Access in Case of Emergency * Your specific mental health provider such as a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist * Local Mental Health Board * Local Service for a specialty or minority background such as LGBTQ, POC, or Veteran. * National Mental health hotlines * National Specialty hotlines for the LGBTQ, POC, or veterans. * OPTIONAL for people whose home is not a safe place, where can you GO to feel safe? * The library * A public commons like a statue or fountain * A national or state park area * A church or other charitable organization’s property * A friend or acquaintance’s property If you DO come in contact with the involuntary mental health system, can you answer these questions? (You likely can't create these answers ahead of time so just write them out and leave blank spots for them) * What behavior OF MINE did the mental health system concern themselves with? They usually worry about * Real or perceived threats to self * Real or perceived threats to others * PROFOUND inability to provide for one’s own safety (think naked in below-freezing temperatures or wandering into interstate traffic) * What part of that behavior did I MYSELF have control over? * What will I PERSONALLY do to prevent this problem behavior from occurring in the future? * Did I have a previous safety plan either formally or informally? * What safety plan could I develop to address this specific behavior? * How could I modify my safety plan to address this specific behavior? Examples of places to keep a safety plan: * fridge * wallet * phone home screen HELP! THERE'S A THING I DON'T HAVE 3 OPTIONS FOR! * Well I reckon you know where to focus your recovery now, don't you? Start with the first listed option you don't have enough items for and find some things/people.
cross-posted from: https://lemmygrad.ml/post/322331 > Hey comrades, > I hope this doesn't break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. > Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn't even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email. > > It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn't and I also didn't have romantic connections. > > The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don't want to be alone forever. I don't want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. > And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can't shake it. > > Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding. > > Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can't believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven't met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
CW desire to be dead! Recently, there was another one of those tweets that was truly not intended in the direction I gave it in my mind: The right-winger is outraged that, according to a media report, not even 50 percent of young people in Germany would be willing to defend their country in times of need and threat. Response of the Left: *What* am I supposed to defend, please? What difference does it make to me whether I pay my rent to the German conglomerate or to the Russian oligarch? And here I was very quickly at my reflections on the society with which I actually do not want to share a planet, a life. When I read articles for outsiders about 'what’s going on inside of a depressive head', I often read that these people like me generally do not want to stop living - they just don't want to live *in their current situation* anymore. Yes, to the end it is true somewhere: In a society in which we work together to save the climate, compete on how we can put an end to hunger and bad working conditions once and for all, and help to ensure that those who come after us will have a better, simply a good life, less work, no more harm to animals and weakened people – yes – in this utopia, and occasionally in some novels, there is this community that I recognize is worth defending. Back to the here and now? Homo homini lupus. Our finance minister has just called for more overtime at work to save 'our' 'prosperity' in this dire situation. Our head of state is philosophizing about introducing a 'service year' for young people to give something back to 'our' society in life. The majority of the over-aged society is enthusiastic and I don't understand why this duty doesn't exist rather for last-, than for first-time voters. Marriages, family homes and whether to live with 1, 2 or 3 children in the future? All these worries are passé for last voters - I think if, then 68 would be a good age to 'give something back to society'. The psychologist is so fond of asking why I didn't seek support sooner with my 'negative thoughts'. I gladly provide many explanations, but none of them satisfies either of us. The less we beat around the bush, the less my answers satisfy him. And the further I spin this thought today, the more likely I am to come out with more questions that others have in a different context: What am I supposed to defend here, please? What fight am I supposed to be fighting? My doubt about existence is not based on the longing to escape a situation I’m in, but to escape human society as a whole. Staying to do others a favor by doing so? Working so as not to let the overall work of society collapse? The psychologist may not be able to hear me moaning anymore - others have real problems, I agree with him – I just can't see our, the human society anymore. And there I really do not see how he, how anyone could help. Our goverment is currently thinking about how they can make it more difficult for people who want to pass away, to ‚easily‘ pass away. A misunderstanding, for my part. I don't want to run away from something, I just don't see any reason at all far and wide as my horizon goes, to stay.
watch.breadtube.tv
Read the text here: https://write.as/peace-labor-may/militant-altruism
watch.breadtube.tv
Read the text here: https://write.as/peace-labor-may/everything-changes-constantly-continuously-nothing-is-ever-the-same
I just wanted to share the book, which finally set me on the way to recovery, after an year and a half of suffering from anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Btw, if anyone needs my advice on these conditions, write back, I'm willing to help!